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Quotes to Make You Laugh

By: Steven Jeny

Laughter is undoubtedly good for your health. Sometimes, however, it is hard to break a smile. Monday mornings at work come to mind. Well, here are some quotes that can tackle even the Monday morning blues.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

2. George Bush - I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure.

3. Steven Wright - I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

4. Jay Leno - Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

5. Dave Attell - Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people the cops. But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

6. Steven Wright - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

7. Rodney Dangerfield - I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

8. George Bush - Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.

9. Jay Leno - Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy.

10. Rodney Dangerfield - I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Jay Leno - Al Gore has found a new job - teach journalism at Columbia University. Ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.

13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.

14. Jay Leno - In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word 'peace.' Right idea, wrong president.

15. Rodney Dangerfield - My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Life can be serious, but don’t put too much stock in the pressures of the moment. Tomorrow is a new day and somewhere, somehow, someone will say something hilarious.

Article Source: http://www.topicinfo.com

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